The Languages of Love

The Languages of Love

 

Grab a drink and sit down.  No pictures for this one, just words ….

 

Love??? You might be thinking Aremti are probably a bit late for this one, aren’t they?  Us blokes touched on the love thing in February. Do we need to review this again in March?  We did all that displaying of love in February when businesses spent a big chunk of their marketing budget trying to get us to buy their products, whilst others trampled over each other to get us to go to their restaurant. We’ve done the chocolate and flower thing.  What now?

 

Hold up! This isn’t going to be one of those blogs.  There’s nothing to sell here (well maybe a cheeky mention of a product if we can manage to squeeze it in somewhere), but just a bit of awareness raising for our followers.  Hopefully a penny might drop…

 

At Aremti we are all about that four-letter word – love. Self love, this love, that love, skin love… We love LOVE.  It’s what makes the world go round (with a bit of cash of course!) and what we need more of.  Let’s face it, who doesn’t like knowing they are loved?

 

So let’s talk about love and start at the very beginning.  You popped into the world… Yes we all arrived somehow and we here we are.  You take your first breath and are put in your mum’s arms and there you experience that first ever feeling of love.  She hugs you, kisses you, feeds you, rocks you, changes your stinky nappies and for some time you get her undivided attention.  Does she need to say it to you for you to know she loves you? She just does.  Does she need to buy you chocolates? I guess not.  You just have that knowing that all is well and you FEEL that love.

 

Some time later, you start walking and exploring the world.  That’s when you start to form opinions about people, situations, yourself, life. You are absorbing it all like a little sponge that you are, taking in everything.  You start to create your world, your reality, your perspective on life and that includes that word – love.  However, you are also a little meaning making machine.  You form your own perspective on things according to the meaning you ascribed to it.  Yes YOU give things a meaning. Stay with us… This might get a bit deep… But the concept of love, hate, right, wrong, success, failure, in fact everything…. is your doing!

 

Let’s take an example of two kids. Johnny (apologies to the Johnnys, but it seemed like a good name to pick) and Danny.  And one almost identical situation…

 

Both boys (unrelated) are normal, healthy, happy 4-year olds brought up in caring families.  One day they each go into town with their mums and see a toy they want.  Johnny’s mum buys it for him and he is happy. He feels loved.  His little mind might decide buying that toy for me means mum loves me.  Danny, on the other hand, is denied that toy as his mum doesn’t think he needs it.  In that moment, little Danny makes an altogether different decision.  He might make up several decisions about this situation, but one of them might be ‘She didn’t buy me that toy. I am not loved. She doesn’t love me’.  For you and me on the outside, we know that is not true, but in that very moment little Danny decided he wasn’t loved.

Let’s assume that Danny is faced with another similar situation where he is denied another toy.  He’s already unconsciously stored that memory of lack of love, so now here comes another to compound the feeling.

 

Wo! Wo! WO! Hold up! This is a bit deep isn’t it? Aren’t we all about skincare here?  Well yes ….and no.  We have always maintained your overall well being and taking care of yourself is as important as that natural Exfoliating Lemon and Poppy Seed Soap we in stock that your skin will thank you for in the shower 😉

 

Anyway, these little incidents accumulate and next thing you know you’re an adult.  Little Danny becomes big Danny – with a whole load of decisions, meanings and stories.

 

The example of Johnny and Danny is just one example of how that little meaning making machine can create their ‘truth’ about their reality. Imagine the thousands and thousands of things that are seen, heard and observed in those formative years.  Fast forward several years when Danny meets Jane.  Jane has also made up a whole load of meanings about life, about love and the likes.  Can you imagine the amount of variations there are for misunderstandings in the area of love?

 

(Is it any wonder some people prefer dogs.  They are far less complicated 😊)

 

Gary Chapman, American author, concluded there are in fact FIVE principal ways to express the feeling of love.  His book “The Five Languages of Love” explores this in greater detail, but in brief Chapman outlines these five general ways romantic partners express and experience love:

 

Affection – Do you like to be hugged, stroked, kissed, caressed? Do you like having your shoulders massaged?  Are you a touchy-feely person who needs to make physical contact?

If so, you have decided affection is your primary language of love

 

Doing – Do you like having things done for you? Do they like someone to make you dinner, tidy the house, run errands for you, fix things around the house?  You like someone to ease the burden of responsibilities for you? Do you like to do things for others?

If so, your primary language of love is acts of service and you are a doer.

 

Giving or Receiving – Do you like to receive gifts? Do you like to give gifts?  This is not to be mistaken for a materialism.  You thrive on the effort someone makes behind the gift.

You love the thought and attention bestowed on you, however small the gift is.

 

Time – Are you someone who wants someone’s time? Do you like people to stop what they are doing at show you attention?  Do you like uninterrupted time talking with your loved one or doing something that you feel deepens your connection with each other.

 

Words – Not just any words but words of affirmation, encouragement, positivity.  Do you need to be supported with words of acknowledgement? Do you thrive on words of encouragement? Do you like to show your appreciation by telling someone what you think? Do you tell someone you love them continuously?

 

 

What happens if Danny and Jane do not share the same language of love? Or if they have made up different meanings about love?

 

“Give me a hug” and she thinks “When was the last time you bought me flowers?”

 

“Does my bum look big in this?” and doesn’t give her the words of encouragement she craves

 

“Let’s cuddle and watch a film” and they hear “Any excuse not to do those jobs that need doing”

 

She buys him the whole Aremti range – just the right one of his skin type 😉 – and he thinks “I just want sex”

 

“I won’t make it home for dinner. Please leave it in the oven” can be hurtful to someone whose primary love language is quality time

 

“I love you” and she just wants an Audi A6 or the shelves putting up (Given a choice, she would prefer the Audi of course!)

 

The list is miscommunications is ennnnnnnndless! How complicated is all that!

 

Can a relationship work with different love languages?

 

Who knows.  We don’t give couple’s relationship guidance.  Nor do we have crystal balls.  Well some of us do, but we won’t go there… But there are some logical steps you can take to understanding yourself and things better.

 

1 Understand your story and that of your partner’s.  What meaning have you and they ascribed to that notion of love.  What’s the story?

2 Be honest with yourself and be clear what you prefer.  The ask your partner what they like.

3 Accept you may have different love languages

4 Communicate.  Communicate.  Communicate.  Say what you want. And then be open to listening.

5 Compromise – give and take with each other.  Ditch the story if necessary

 

If all else fails, pop yourself in the bath with an Activated Cleansing Charcoal Face Mask for just £8 and have some time out! In fact the sachet is big enough for two uses so you could have a couple of baths or share it while you discuss what you have just read.

We warned you this would be deep!

 

If you love this, please share.  If you don’t, have a great day and don’t take life too seriously!

The Ugly Duckling

The Ugly Duckling Soap

 

We all know the story of the ugly duckling by Hans Christian Andersen. It was mocked and ridiculed for being ugly and different and was then ostracized.  This poor little duckling then wandered sad and lonely…until one day it discovered it wasn’t a duck afterall.  It was a swan!

 

What’s the moral of this story?

 

  • It’s ok to be different?
  • We aren’t all the same?
  • Accept yourself for who you are?
  • You are better than others think?
  • Looks can be deceiving?

 

In this fast-paced world, our minds are bombarded with thousands of  images.  Social media has trained us to get quicker and quicker at scanning through images. Instagram is a platform for sharing images and we thumb through mindlessly until something catches our eye. It could be a flawless photoshopped model, or one of millions of perfectly photoshopped products for sale.  Then when we go shopping for food we are given a choice of ‘perfect’ fruits and veg to buy.  Naturally we get turned off by that misshapen carrot or wonky apple.

We have been trained that way.

Test this for yourself when you go shopping.  Are you more likely to reach for that ‘perfect’ piece of fruit? Have you ever wondered why?

 

With our launch range, Aremti introduced two bars of handmade soap, one called  Detoxifying Green Tea and Clay Soap.

As any brand or marketing expert will tell you, the images of your products need to be the very best.  They need to be photographed, photoshopped and your products must be made to look just perfect.  As consumers, we make decision in seconds.  Our brains go through a series of unconscious processes and we mostly buy on emotions – this is called emotional buying.  Malcolm Gladwell goes into much more detail about the unconscious mind in his book Blink.  An interesting read.

 

 

And also, rather controversially, men and women tend to have slightly different shopping habits too. We won’t go into that in too much detail as  Michael Lewis does this quite well in his recent article

At Aremti, we are all about being true to what we believe.  We believe nature gives us most of what we need.  We thought long and hard about how our soap would be received because, quite frankly, in today’s image-driven world, it is not the prettiest one!  It’s pale grey/green, has loads of ‘bits’ in it, is hand cut and is therefore naturally misshapen.

 

 

This soap is our ‘Ugly Duckling’ on the left.  Standing next to our  Exfoliating Lemon and Poppy Seed Soap 

Read more

What is self care?

 

 

 

Selfcare, for men…..

 

Why on earth would you read what some stranger has to say about self care, let alone spend your precious time doing it? Why indeed? If this blog has caught your attention and you are going to commit the time to read it, we believe you’re probably one of two people – you’re either curious to find out what this new skincare brand is all about and what it has to say. Or you want to help that man in your life who might have got lost somewhere along the way. 

That man could be you!

Guys it’s 2022! As a species we have evolved so much over the years.  An article in the newspaper or a blog about selfcare for men would have been laughed at 100, 50 or even 20 years ago. Even today, you can even hear some men scoff, ‘that stuff ain’t for me!’.. Maybe it isn’t….but maybe, it just is. 

In recent years, there has definitely been a shift in perception towards men’s grooming and self care.  And quite rightly so! The ripples have been slow, but definitely evident.  Men are starting to see the importance and that it’s not just a ‘woman’s thing’.

At Aremti we are passionate about a holistic approach to well being and, of course, skincare. Trying to sell you a face wash or a moisturiser would fall very short of what Aremti stands for, what our message is and even how we came about as a business.  We want to take the modern man on a journey with us.  As the brand evolves, so does the impact it can have on our men!

Aremti‘s founder, Manny Tsakanika,  has the most physically demanding career.  Nobody with such a gruelling schedule would survive long without some form of discipline.  And life has not come without its intense challenges and pain for him which he is still learning to navigate. The brand and its message is clearly very close to his heart.

 

For our first blog, we have put together some simple changes that you can make in your life to ensure you are taking good care of number one!

When you take care of yourself and your needs, you are also better able to meet the needs of others.

 

It doesn’t have to be complicated!

 

 

S.E.L.F.C.A.R.E

 

Moisturisers by Aremti – Skincare For Men

  Skincare 

Even though men have a slight advantage in that their skin is usually thicker and has more elastin, they don’t tend to care of it resulting in many issues such as acne, dermatitis, eczema or even intensely oily skin.  Skin is our body’s first line of defence and a gauge for what is going on internally. It’s the first thing you look at in the mirror in the morning and what others see.  Establish a quick and simple, yet effective daily routine using products packed with  vitamins and nutrients provided by Mother Nature.  Wash with a quality face wash and be sure to moisturise with the correct moisturiser for your skin type.

 

 

Are you getting enough quality sleep?

  Enough Sleep

At Aremti, we’re all about encouraging you to be the best version of yourself.  Getting by with a few hours will do just that ‘get you by’, but in the long term isn’t good for your health.  Doctors recommend the average adult needs 7-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep to maintain positive mental and physical health. Anything less consistently can have detrimental effects on your body and mental health. 

 

Add more fun and laughter into your life

  

   Laughter

Is Aremti really suggesting laughing is good for my health? Absolutely! When was the last time you had a good belly laugh? Remember how you felt after? That’s because your body released endorphins (feel good hormones) into your blood stream.  Laughter is known to reduce stress and that’s probably why Laughter Yoga has become so popular.  Ok so it might not be realistic to belly laugh all the time, but do ensure you inject as much fun and light heartedness into your day. Remember the cliché, ‘Life is Short’? It really is! 

 

 

Eat well – and fresh

 Food 

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food” Hippocrates was telling us this about 400BC and we still haven’t got it. 

The foods we choose to eat have an incredible impact on us, not only physically but mentally. Today’s fast pace life means we are often reaching for quick fixes, but with a bit of planning and thought you could change what you eat and buy things that boost your well being.  These changes can be gradual. Afterall at Aremti we believe in reeducation. 

 

 

Get moving

  

  Cardio?

Do we really need to do high intensity workouts to be take care of our physical fitness?  This you’ll need to judge for yourself and with a fitness or health professional to establish what your short and long-term goals are, but what can definitely be sure of is that exercise, especially outdoors, is good for the body and mind.  Exercise is known to have many benefits including lowering blood pressure, improving sleep, improving memory and brain function. Get outside in nature as much as possible and take long walks or bike rides to clear the cobwebs. 

Learn to say no

Accept limitations 

Learning when to say no is one of the hardest things for a man. Learning boundaries and limitations can be very challenging especially when in a pressurised environment at work, or at home with family commitments.  To put it bluntly, you are no good to anyone burnt out. Learning to set your boundaries may take time and practice, but when achieved will give you so much more peace of mind. 

Make time for number one  

 Relaxation 

When was the last time you truly relaxed? When was the last time you completely switched off? Nowadays, we are conditioned to go, go, go all day every day, then stop for a holiday, a break or when we are ill.  Learning to relax may be alien to many of you, but once you realise the importance there is no going back. The benefits to your mind and body are incredible. If you’re not sure where to start, learn to be still – even for a few minutes. If that’s too hard close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing making sure you are breathing slowly and deeply. If you can’t do that, start with a warm bath before bed. Whatever you do, commit to starting somewhere.

 

Drink plenty of clean, fresh water

  Enough water 

Several factors determine the amount of water you should drink including outside temperature, the amount of exercise you do and your physical size, but on average an adult male should aim to consume at least 8 large glasses of water a day (around 3 litres). Many men fall very short of that target thinking if they consume the same in canned drinks or coffee, their job is done. The best way to tell if you are getting enough water is by the colour of your urine. It should be a pale yellow. Prolonged dark urine can cause serious health issues and make your skin look sallow and dehydrated.

 

 

 

 

Ultimately we have no control over what life throws at us. If you think you can, you are seriously mistaken. It’s a journey of twists and turns filled with good and painful experiences. Many unpredictable.  What we definitely do have control over is what we think and feel. And of course how we treat ourselves. 

That’s why Aremti encourages S.E.L.F.C.A.R.E. 

 

www.aremti.co.uk

 

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